Recovering from infidelity is possible! I have seen couples enter the therapy room overwhelmed with feelings of shock, embarrassment, guilt, anger, grief, rage, and fear…and then after a little while, they learn how to turn towards one another, rebuild their trust, and recreate that deep, emotional connection they thought was lost forever.
- First, explore what you need right now in order to feel safe. Your world has been turned upside down, and yet it keeps moving. You still have to go to work, pick up the kids, walk your dog. As difficult as it is to communicate with one another right now, make a point to discuss what you need in order to feel safe. For example, some people need to sleep in separate beds for a little while, simply so that they’re able to function normally throughout the day.
- Commit to the process. Repairing trust after it has been shattered is a long process. As humans, when we are in an emotional crisis, we either want to immediately “fix” it, or we cope by avoiding the issue. Avoiding the hurt won’t make it go away, and saddling yourself with the impossible task of fixing this overnight is too much. Now is the time to call upon patience, acceptance, and lots of self-validation. Take this one step at a time.
- Ask for help. Find an experienced therapist, specifically one who specializes in working with couples. That therapist will walk you both through the steps towards repairing your relationship, relieving you of the burden of ‘figuring it out’. Also, remember that you and your partner are in this together, and therefore share the responsibility of working to repair the relationship.
Please note that this content is for informational purposes, and not a substitute for treatment. If you are in need of mental health treatment, please seek out a provider in your area.